One of my co-workers - an energetic, middle-aged man who has a rather contentious relationship with technology - asked me if I could do him a favor.
"Sure," I said. "What's up?"
"Well, see, you're good with all of this equipment around here. Could you help me patch a song through to a girl's answering machine? Today's her birthday and I'd like to butter her up; make her feel good."
"Yeah, I can do that. This your new girlfriend?"
"Well... I mean, we see each other now and then. You know how it is."
"I see. So what's the song you're looking for?"
"Well, that's the other thing I need your help with," he says. "It's this birthday song... all about birthdays..."
"I assume you're not talking about the usual birthday song..."
"No, no, no, it's this other birthday song from back in the day."
"Is it the Beatles song?"
"No, not that one. It's a guy singing to his little girlfriend - something about teenagers, sweet sixteen, happy birthday..."
"Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen?"
"Yeah! Who did that one."
"Neil Sedaka, I think," I replied, quickly turning to Google to confirm my suspicions. "Yeah, Neil Sedaka."
"Yeah, so that's what I wanna play for her."
"Okay. I hope it's not actually her 16th birthday?"
"I'm not sure which birthday it is. She lives on her own in Atlanta, though, so she's old enough. She made me some cake on my birthday, too, and that's definitely a grown woman thing to do."
"Your evidence seems pretty unshakable."
"Oh, that reminds me - when you dial the number for me, be sure to press *67 so nobody can look at her phone and see who's been calling."
Back at ya later
Showing posts with label Anecdotes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Anecdotes. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
A Visit to the Optometrist
I've had a cyst in my right eye for about three months now. Slowly but surely, it's grown larger and more troublesome. I did a little research shortly after it appeared, and was informed that it is best to just wait for a while and see if the cyst goes away on its own. It didn't. So, I went to the optometrist today to get it looked at.
"What's the problem?" the optometrist said.
"Well, I've had this cyst in my eye for about three months now," I said.
"How do you know it's a cyst?" he said.
"Um... well... I mean, I assumed... that's what it looked like. Is it a cyst?"
"Yes. You would make a good eye doctor."
I laughed. He didn't. There was a long, uncomfortable silence.
"So, ah, what should I do about this?" I asked.
"Well, there are two options," he said. "We can try to deal with it naturally, or we can do some surgery. You definitely don't want the surgery if you can avoid it. It's not fun."
"By all means, let's try the natural approach," I said. "What do I need to do?"
"Apply a hot compress to your eye for about ten minutes, then massage the cyst gently afterwards. Do this about four times a day. Hopefully, it'll start to break apart after a while."
"Okay," I said. "That sounds easy enough."
"Yeah, it's pretty simple," he smiled.
"So, out of curiosity, what's the success rate for people treating cysts naturally?" I asked.
"Oh, in most cases, there's a pretty high success rate," he said. "But in cases like yours, well... honestly, I'd say you maybe have a 25% chance of success. That cyst is awfully big. I kind of doubt the hot compress will work, but it's worth a shot. You'll probably need the surgery, though."
"I see," I sighed. "So, should I have come sooner? I heard I was supposed to wait for a while before seeing a doctor."
"Yeah, it's usually good to wait a while. I mean, we know now that you should have come in a couple of months ago, but a couple of months ago I probably would have told you to keep waiting."
"Oh."
"Hey, let me check a few more things."
The optometrist proceeds to give me a traditional eye exam. He has me read charts, shines lights into my eyes and has me look through a series of increasingly blurry lenses.
"Well, that's interesting," he says.
"What?"
"There are two reasons you have glasses: you're near-sighted, and you have an astigmatism. Now, an astigmatism is basically when your eye is a little warped instead of perfectly round, but it can be warped in any direction. However, the direction in which it's warped almost never changes. But your astigmatism... well, it seems to have shifted."
"Shifted?"
"Yeah. About thirteen degrees. So that's why your vision is worse in your right eye. I think the cyst is the cause of the problem. It's putting weight on your eye, and causing it to move. That's crazy. Very interesting."
"Yeah, um, I guess that is interesting. So, what do I need to do?"
"That's a good question," he says, rubbing his chin. "Nothing for now, I guess. Just... well, let's see how this plays out and we'll figure it out from there. I'm quite eager to see what happens."
Back at ya later
"What's the problem?" the optometrist said.
"Well, I've had this cyst in my eye for about three months now," I said.
"How do you know it's a cyst?" he said.
"Um... well... I mean, I assumed... that's what it looked like. Is it a cyst?"
"Yes. You would make a good eye doctor."
I laughed. He didn't. There was a long, uncomfortable silence.
"So, ah, what should I do about this?" I asked.
"Well, there are two options," he said. "We can try to deal with it naturally, or we can do some surgery. You definitely don't want the surgery if you can avoid it. It's not fun."
"By all means, let's try the natural approach," I said. "What do I need to do?"
"Apply a hot compress to your eye for about ten minutes, then massage the cyst gently afterwards. Do this about four times a day. Hopefully, it'll start to break apart after a while."
"Okay," I said. "That sounds easy enough."
"Yeah, it's pretty simple," he smiled.
"So, out of curiosity, what's the success rate for people treating cysts naturally?" I asked.
"Oh, in most cases, there's a pretty high success rate," he said. "But in cases like yours, well... honestly, I'd say you maybe have a 25% chance of success. That cyst is awfully big. I kind of doubt the hot compress will work, but it's worth a shot. You'll probably need the surgery, though."
"I see," I sighed. "So, should I have come sooner? I heard I was supposed to wait for a while before seeing a doctor."
"Yeah, it's usually good to wait a while. I mean, we know now that you should have come in a couple of months ago, but a couple of months ago I probably would have told you to keep waiting."
"Oh."
"Hey, let me check a few more things."
The optometrist proceeds to give me a traditional eye exam. He has me read charts, shines lights into my eyes and has me look through a series of increasingly blurry lenses.
"Well, that's interesting," he says.
"What?"
"There are two reasons you have glasses: you're near-sighted, and you have an astigmatism. Now, an astigmatism is basically when your eye is a little warped instead of perfectly round, but it can be warped in any direction. However, the direction in which it's warped almost never changes. But your astigmatism... well, it seems to have shifted."
"Shifted?"
"Yeah. About thirteen degrees. So that's why your vision is worse in your right eye. I think the cyst is the cause of the problem. It's putting weight on your eye, and causing it to move. That's crazy. Very interesting."
"Yeah, um, I guess that is interesting. So, what do I need to do?"
"That's a good question," he says, rubbing his chin. "Nothing for now, I guess. Just... well, let's see how this plays out and we'll figure it out from there. I'm quite eager to see what happens."
Back at ya later
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