Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You - March 2012

Let's take a look at what March has to offer...

March 2nd

The Lorax: Now with 100% more Danny DeVito!

The month gets off to a rather underwhelming start with the one-two punch of The Lorax and Project X. The former looks like a painful reworking of the beloved Dr. Seuss book, transforming the title character into a lovable crank and adding new characters for the purposes of getting Zac Efron and Taylor Swift into the mix. Meanwhile, the latter appears to be a fairly unbearable use of the found footage format, offering a feature-length version of the sort of party I would do my best to avoid in real life. Still, to each their own. I've never been able to warm up to the fratboy antics of Todd Phillips, but others seem to get quite a kick out of his stuff.

March 9th

"What? You thought I was in the middle of a comeback?"

Truthfully, the more footage I see from John Carter, the more excited I am about it. It could be a massive flop, but I've got to take a chance on a new movie from the guy who gave us Finding Nemo and Wall-e. Perpetually uninteresting director Lasse Hallstrom returns with a new movie called Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, which sounds like a Simpsons joke, but is somehow a real thing. Ewan McGregor is in it, continuing his role as the patron saint of films which exist somewhere between the mainstream and obscurity. I don't know too much about the comedy Friends with Kids, but it certainly has a gifted cast: Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Jon Hamm, Chris O'Dowd... wait, is this Bridesmaids 2? Anyway, early buzz seems positive. Right about now, Eddie Murphy ought to be coasting on the high of the box-office smash Tower Heist and a successful Oscar-hosting gig. Alas, Tower Heist tanked and he skipped the Oscars. To make matters worse, now he has to witness the release of the long-delayed A Thousand Words, his latest collaboration with the director of Norbit and Meet Dave. Eeesh. I'm somewhat intrigued by the horror thriller Silent House, as it offers another role to Martha Marcy May Marlene star Elizabeth Olsen and has taken the unusual approach of presenting the entire film in one lengthy take (though odds are they've taken the Rope approach and snuck a few subtle cuts in there).

March 16th

Que?

The big-screen update of 21 Jump Street looks pretty limp, but it is directed by the guys who gave us the surprisingly entertaining animated flick Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. Perhaps they'll deliver another unlikely success here? The month's biggest oddity is the comedy Casa de mi Padre, which looks like a typically unhinged Will Ferrell comedy save for the fact that the whole thing is in Spanish. Props to the man for trying something new, I suppose. The trailer is one of those experiences which gives you a strong indication of the film's flavor without really telling you whether or not it's going to be a waste of time.

March 23rd

"Try opening your movie on the 23rd. Make my day."

The Hunger Games, hungry for attention, consumes the multiplex. That's it in terms of wide releases, so one can only hope that it's a worthwhile endeavor. The cast is strong and the premise is compelling, but director Gary Ross didn't really bring anything special to his two previous respectable-but-somewhat-overrated turns behind the camera (Seabiscuit and Pleasantville). Still, I'm there, as I've been assured by many that the source material is solid.

March 30th

"You will watch my antics and you will enjoy them." 

For some reason, we're getting Wrath of the Titans. The trailer makes it look a little more interesting than its bland predecessor, but it's made by the director who gave us Darkness Falls, Battle: Los Angeles and Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning. Blah. It also looks like they're still pretending Liam Neeson's Zeus is Ingrid Bergman circa 1940 with all of those glowing, soft-focus close-ups. Still, the movie looks better than Mirror, Mirror, which appears to represent the talented Tarsem Singh officially hitting rock bottom. I'm not much of a Sean William Scott fan, so I'm not exactly excited about the hockey comedy Goon, but early buzz is mostly positive. Likewise, I've heard pretty good things about the Clive Owen-starring horror film Intruders. It's directed by Juan Carlos Fresnadillo, whose previous film was the excellent 28 Weeks Later (which I've kind of grown to like better than Danny Boyle's more well-regarded 28 Days Later).

Picks of the month:

3. Intruders

Father and daughter, watching The Eagles perform on PBS. 

2. The Hunger Games

Severus Snape's hippie brother. 

1. John Carter

McNulty: Now with 100% more furry armor. 

Another fairly unexciting month, honestly. What are you looking forward to?

Back at ya later